Topic: Starting out
Build your daily life together
Everything changes when you become a guardian. You can make things easier for you and the child you care for by working together to build your daily life. With good foundations, it’s easier to adapt and grow as a family.
Zoe from our support team shares guidance on how to help a child handle change
Create structure
Daily routines are important for all children. Even if the child you care for has been living with you for a while, the relationship is likely to change when the guardianship begins. You can help by giving them a stable, predictable structure.
Start by being clear about where you have to be each day, when you plan to eat and what you all do to relax. Ask the child you care for about their own routines and talk about how you might be flexible together.
Of course, they may push back at first. They are going through a huge change in their lives and have experienced some level of trauma. But be patient and persevere so that you begin to understand. Learning to trust each other will help you to build your life together as a family.
Zoe talks about how to have healthy boundaries and routines to support a child
Get organised
Things can feel overwhelming at first, so it’s a good idea to take care of the practical stuff as soon as you can. Check you’ve got key documents, like your support plan or the child’s passport, and contact organisations that may be able to support you.
You should also make sure the child is registered with a doctor and dentist. Find out where they currently go and change to a local practice if necessary. And if they are in school or childcare, introduce yourself and get to know how they work. You can get support from our education specialists or access the virtual school.
The child you care for may already have hobbies or clubs that they enjoy. These routines are likely important to them. Speak to the organisers, see if it’s possible to continue and look for a more local or appropriate alternative if needed.
Make things easy
Like all parenting, being a guardian involves a lot of looking at how the child you care for reacts to situations. Things will be very new to them, so make a conscious effort to observe their behaviour and ask them how they are feeling. You may be able to make things easier for them to adapt to living with you.
There will be practical things that you can either do or be clear about. That may include making sure they have their own bed and toys, helping with homework or putting rules around using digital devices. The child will find things easier if they can access the things they care about and know what to expect.
As you help them settle into your home, you may also want to talk about your family values and any traditions. The more you share about your life early on, the easier it will be for the child to share theirs with you.
Things you can do
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Schools and childcare
Introduce yourself to teachers and carers and explain the situation. Let your child know you are going to do it, as they may want to share something or be there too. Contact the school’s secretary to arrange a time to meet or do it more informally at the school gates.
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Life at home
Try and visualise your week, write it down and share it with the child. Children older than two will see how they fit into family life and be able to shape and contribute. It will help them get to know the house and how people move around it.
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Where you live
Take the child on a tour of their new neighbourhood. It will help them feel comfortable with where things are, even if they’ve only moved a short distance or have visited before. Use it as a way to share stories and enjoy each other’s company.
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Toys and equipment
You may need things like pens, paper, chargers, toys, games or baby equipment. There is financial support available for some expenses, such as beds, and our team are here to help you find ways to get what you need.
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Decorating
You can help the child feel at home by working with them to personalise their space. Be flexible and ask them to draw some designs if they aren’t sure how it should look. It doesn’t need to cost much – it’s about making it theirs.
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Boundaries
Setting boundaries is about expectations, not discipline. Being clear about values and how and when things happen in the house, can give the child the structure and foundation they need. It can help to write this down and make it visual.
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Caring for a baby or young child
We have created a guide which provides advice and links to help you get started and care with confidence.