Supporting a child with trauma

Contents

What is trauma?

How we respond to trauma

Trauma and children

Emotional and physical effects

Things can change

Don’t ignore trauma

How you can help

Access professional support

Your support plan

Trauma can be caused by any event or experience that is deeply distressing or disturbing and has lasting harm. 

For children living in special guardianship, trauma will be caused by abuse, neglect or the loss of their parent(s) in early life. Trauma can be caused by one-off events or from living in a distressing environment.

Trauma affects children of all ages and according to research that even includes babies in the womb.

Trauma can include events where a child feels:

• frightened

• under threat

• humiliated

• rejected

• abandoned

• invalidated

• unsafe

• unsupported

• trapped

• ashamed

• powerless.

How much impact trauma has on a child depends on their situation. However, it’s a difficult fact that every child living under a special guardianship will be affected by some level of trauma.

Trauma is personal and everyone reacts differently, so you might notice the effects quickly or much later. Any changes in behaviour or personality may be subtle or in plain sight.

Trauma affects everyone differently, though there are common responses.

Trauma starts with something distressing that happens to someone. It causes changes to their brain which can affect their longer-term physical and emotional wellbeing. Trauma starts as an incident or experience, but becomes a response. 

When the traumatic experience itself is over, your body continues to relive it. Your brain tells your body to keep reacting as if you are in danger.

The effect on the brain can cause a child who has experienced trauma to be in a near-constant state of alert and viewing the world as a threat. Sensing stress signals, their bodies can be flooded by hormones automatically released when we feel stressed or threatened, called cortisol and adrenaline.

This can have a range of effects, sometimes called: 

• Freeze – feeling paralysed or unable to move

• Flop – doing what you're told without being able to protest

• Fight – fighting, struggling or protesting

• Flight – hiding or moving away

• Fawn – trying to please someone who harms you

A child who is traumatised will often Instinctively do things to safeguard themselves, as they have been hurt in the past.

A child’s response to trauma is instinctive and unconscious, not deliberate. They do not choose and have no control over their reaction.

A child’s past environment and experiences will condition them to respond in certain ways. This is really important to understand – it’s not you, it’s what they’ve been through.

Trauma’s effect on the brain can have a significant impact for children and young people, as they are still developing. Indeed, a person forms 90% of their brain pathways over the first five years of life. Trauma can cause a child to miss certain developmental stages, which means they may seem to act younger than their age.

Children who have experienced trauma are frightened and fear can often show as anger or challenging behaviours. This can be very difficult and it’s ok not to know what to do or what to say.

In their new life with you, a child can be triggered by something that causes them to re-experience something historical in the here and now (behaviour coming from nowhere) - experiencing it as if it is happening now.

The triggers for a child’s trauma can be something seemingly minor or unrelated to the original traumatic experience but the effects on them can still be significant.

We provide a range of practical and emotional support to help guardians and children experiencing behavioural and emotional challenges.

Read our common behaviours guide to get a sense of some of the issues we regularly help guardians with. Our guides on understanding behaviour and the types of behavioural support can help you begin to learn ways you can support the child you care for.

Trauma in early life affects all children differently, but there are some common things you may notice. You might recognise some of the things on the list below, as well as experiences or reactions not mentioned.

The mental health effects of trauma according to Mind include:

• Flashbacks – reliving aspects of a traumatic event or feeling as if it is happening now, which can happen whether or not you remember specific details of it. 

• Panic attacks – a type of fear response. They're an exaggeration of your body's response to danger, stress or excitement. 

• Low self-esteem – trauma can affect the way you value and perceive yourself. 

• Hyperarousal – feeling very anxious, on edge and unable to relax. You might be constantly looking out for threats or danger. 

• Fatigue - being in a constant state of alert can be exhausting and draining and leave you feeling extremely tired and worn out.

• Sleep problems – you might find it hard to fall or stay asleep, feel unsafe at night, or feel anxious or afraid of having nightmares. 

• Dissociation – one way your mind copes with overwhelming stress. You might feel numb, spaced out, detached from your body or as though the world around you is unreal.

• Grief – experiencing a loss can be traumatic, including someone dying but also other types of loss. Many people experience grief as a result of how trauma has changed their lives. You might feel that trauma has caused you to miss out on some things in life, which can also lead to feelings of loss. 

• Self-harm – hurting yourself as a way of trying to cope. This could include harming parts of your body that were attacked or injured during the trauma. 

• Suicidal feelings – include being preoccupied with thoughts of ending your life, thinking about methods of suicide or making plans to take your own life. 

• Alcohol and substance misuse – a way you might try to cope with difficult emotions or memories. 

In children and young people, you may recognise some of the following effects of trauma, and others listed on our common behaviours guide:

• Anger and aggression – sometimes seemingly disproportionate or out of nowhere.

• Low sense of self-worth – feeling like “I am bad”, displaying self-blame or a toxic form of shame, a negative sense of their relationship with the world.

• Difficulty interpreting intent and actions – such as struggling to read facial expressions, understanding some humour.

• Lack of impulse control – want to grab, struggle to resist touching.

• Impacted sensory awareness – such as not feeling cold and hot temperature in the way you’d expect, fear of touching certain materials.

• Toileting issues – bed wetting, going outside of the toilet, such as in their bedroom.

• Eating and food issues – hiding food, over-eating, under-eating, craving sugar. 

• Mistrust of adults – hard as a carer to realise one of the things they might be most scared of is adults. You can be their source of comfort and fear.

Trauma can be overwhelming. But there are things you can do to help a child cope and get better. 

The brain can ‘unlearn’ trauma. In recent years, scientists have learned that the brain is adaptable, can be reshaped, and undergoes physical changes throughout our lives.

Major changes to the brain happen in early infancy, young children and adolescence. Each new positive interaction is a chance to build new pathways in the brain.

Over time, these new pathways can take over the old ones and the effects of trauma can be ‘unlearned’. 

Children of all ages can benefit from a combination of approaches to help them reduce the effects of trauma, including:

• different parenting styles, such as therapeutic parenting

• professional therapeutic support

• coping skills and tools, such as breathing techniques, colouring and specialist apps

Learning about trauma can be distressing for many guardians. There is often a connection and ongoing relationship with the people or circumstances that contributed to the child’s trauma. 

When you learn about the impact trauma can have on a child, it’s natural to experience a range of emotions, including fear, empathy, confusion, resentment, shame, and guilt.

It also has the potential to trigger your own response to trauma that you may have experienced in your own life.

However, it’s important for the child you care for that you acknowledge trauma rather than ignore or dismiss it. People sometimes believe that acknowledging trauma stops people “moving on” and that a child may simply forget their trauma if nothing is said.  

Unfortunately, this is all false. If a child is not supported or their trauma not addressed, the impact can have serious long-term consequences. You didn’t choose this situation, but neither did the child. 

Our support team are here to help you better understand and come to terms with the impact of a child’s past. We can help you and the child you care for make small adjustments to your life which can have a big positive impact.

We can also support you if engaging with trauma surfaces some of your own challenges and history. 

It’s never too late to start helping the child you care for with their trauma. The most important step is providing the care and support a child has previously lacked or now needs. 

Children and young people who have experienced trauma need compassion and understanding. As their primary carer, you can help become a place of safety and security for your child, especially when they are stressed.

Having someone on their side who can empathise with their situation and help them recognise their own feelings can make a big difference to how they feel in moments of fear and distress. 

This is where the principles and strategies of an approach called therapeutic parenting can be helpful.

Therapeutic parenting has been tried and tested over 20+ years. It is one of the most successful and popular ways to parent children who have suffered early life trauma. That includes children who are living apart from their birth family in guardianship, fostering or adoptive families.

At its core, therapeutic parenting is a practical set of ideas. It recognises that traditional parenting techniques often have the opposite intended effect when trying to help raise children who’ve experienced trauma or loss.

Therapeutic parenting involves small but powerful adjustments to those traditional approaches. You can quickly put them into practice and start improving things for the child you care for. 

The A - Z of Therapeutic Parenting (read a free sample on Amazon) is a guidebook that special guardians recommend. They say it had the biggest positive impact on their child and relationship together.

The book includes practical advice on how to approach 60 common challenges in raising children, with guides on why something may be happening and ways to approach it.

The book also has good practical advice from other carers about the challenges of caring for a child going through trauma. You will also find ways that you can look after yourself.

Our dedicated support team are experienced in therapeutic parenting. They can introduce you to the ideas and give you some practical things to try based on your situation. If you just want to chat, they can also listen and offer reassurance and feedback. 

We also run a therapeutic parenting course, which is open to all special guardians. You can build your understanding and learn practical skills relevant to your family over the course of several in-person sessions. 

Many children who have experienced trauma will also benefit from professional therapeutic support. It can help both of you find new ways to manage and address trauma, which can have a long-term positive impact on a child’s life. 

For many guardians and children, the idea of seeing professionals can be intimidating. This is understandable, especially given how much professionals are already involved in a child’s life. You may also be concerned about what information will be revealed through therapy and any impact it may have on your guardianship.

However, support is often very different to other previous involvement with professionals and you and the child have more control of the situation. Our support team can help you understand your options and give you the confidence and space to decide what’s right for you and the child you care for.

It all starts with a call to our support team to discuss your situation. Our team can listen to your situation and recommend some next steps. It’s then up to you to choose what is best for you.

There are many different types of support available to help reflect children's different experiences, situations and needs. Some common options for children under guardianship include:

• Therapeutic behaviour sessions – A behavioural specialist from the support team gets to know you and the child you care for to help understand their needs and develop personalised responses. 

• Life story sessions – A hands-on way for children of all ages to understand and build their own identity and share their story in confidence.

• Play therapy – Younger children can use play sessions as a way to help them express their emotions and be supported to help meet their needs.

• Music/Art Therapy [bamt.org] ↗ – Enabling a child to explore their needs and gain support through playing and experiencing music and art.

• Cognitive behavioural therapy [nhs.uk] ↗ – Older children, in particular, may benefit from CBT (talking therapy) as a way to better understand and support their needs and feelings.

• Specialist mental health support – We can help you access mental health support for young people through the NHS, both online and offline.

• Behavioural therapies – Therapeutic professionals may recommend specialised therapeutic processes to help with specific situations, such as Eye Movement Desensitisation and Processing (EMDP).

• Support apps, groups and tools – There are a growing number of specialist apps and approaches being developed and used specifically to help young people who experience trauma.

It’s can be very hard to acknowledge that trauma may have an impact on your lives together, yet it can also be one of the most important things you can do as a guardian to help the child you care for.

You don’t have to take that difficult first step alone and our team are here to help support you.

Every child living under a special guardianship order receives a personalised support plan at the point the guardianship order is made, although sadly many guardians aren’t always aware of its purpose or significance.

Your support plan can be a powerful tool that helps you and the child you care for benefit from the right professional support. It may already have details of types of therapeutic support recommended on it.

Our team can help you find your plan, understand it and use it as a starting point to access support.