Look after yourself

Be open about how you feel

Becoming a special guardian is a big change in your life. You have new responsibilities and it may feel like a step into the unknown. Many guardians say they had to adapt quickly and the change affected the activities and relationships they previously enjoyed. 

Experience shows that if you look after yourself well, you’re more likely to:

• feel more in control of your situation

• form better and stronger family connections

• feel less pressure to get everything ‘right’.

More than anything, It’s important to know that you are not alone. Though you will be busy making sure the child you care for has everything they need, it’s important to share how you are feeling too. The more you open up, the easier it will get. 

By being honest with friends and family, you can share how you are feeling and find practical ways to make positive changes. You can also speak to our support team who will give you professional advice based on their experience with other guardians. 

Common feelings

There are some common feelings that people new to being a special guardian share with our team. None of them make you a bad person or parent. None of them mean you love the child you care for any less. But it could be useful for you to understand what others go through. 

New special guardians often say they feel:

• scared that they will ‘mess things up’ 

• worried about every decision and the effect they might have

• out of their depth 

• drained by challenging days 

• anxiety about what the future holds

• extra responsibility to get things right

Research shows that not only are these feelings common, but they can be healthy too. They show how much you care and want to do what’s best for the child you care for. 

However, you do need to look after your wellbeing. The first step is to recognise and process how you feel. Avoiding it can lead to anger, resentment and anxiety, which is harmful for you and can have a negative impact on the child.

Observe your behaviour

One of the easiest ways to process how you are feeling is to make a conscious effort to observe your own behaviour. What do you do when you are feeling stressed? How do interact with other people when you're anxious or feeling uncertain?

If you can pick up on your own energy and behaviour, you are more able to do something to change or improve how you feel. The child you care for doesn’t need you to be perfect – nobody's perfect – they just need you to do your best. 

You may want to keep a journal to track your feelings and behaviour. It allows you to refer back and see patterns that tell you what might trigger those difficult moments. Being able to acknowledge or even name how you feel may give you more sense of control.