Digital and social media contact

Prioritise the child’s interests

Smartphones and the internet are part of everyday life. However, there is little guidance or research on digital communication for guardians, children and families. It can be hard to know your rights and understand best practice. 

Special guardianship orders typically define contact arrangements for in-person or remote visits, which are pre-arranged online calls. They do not currently outline agreements for online or phone contact.

Unless it’s specified in the order, there are no explicit rights around online contact between young people and their families.

The court expects everyone involved to respect that the most important priority at all times is what is best for the child.

Lacking confidence

Without any formal court agreement, it can be hard for guardians to know how to set boundaries around online contact between a young person and their family and friends.

Because online contact typically happens on a screen that only the young person sees, it is hard to supervise. This lack of visibility and control can increase your sense of risk.

Many guardians say it is even more worrying when they don’t fully understand how the technology works or how to manage it. They often feel powerless, anxious and worried about how unsupervised online contact may undermine the child’s wellbeing and guardianship.

Talking to each other

It’s important not to assume the worst as online contact between a child and their family can in many cases be positive as it provides an easy way to stay in touch. But it’s also important to set clear expectations with the child and their family about what healthy and respectful online and phone communication looks like.

It can be easiest to raise this topic as part of general discussions about using technology, social media and staying safe online. It’s an area we know guardians can often lack confidence or knowledge in but there are good guides available online, such as this one from charity Internet Matters about how to discuss these issues with children at different ages ↗.

Be curious, not nosey

If you think online contact is happening and you are worried about its nature or effect, it’s important to try to discuss it together with the child you care for before you take action or start accusing anyone. Otherwise, you risk undermining trust and making a child take extra steps to hide contact. 

An approach you can try to speak with children about what they share online comes from online child safety professional Catherine Knibbs:

“Firstly be curious and not nosey (they are different and feel very different) and ask a question to the child that is open, honest and shares your intention to keep them safe. This may look like the following:

“I notice you are busy/having fun/looking worried/hiding your phone and I wondered what you might be doing?, I don’t want to interrupt you I am interested and would like to keep you safe”

Be prepared for a no. (Your question may be a surprise). If so resolve to try again in a short while.

It’s also important to try to discuss what is appropriate with the child’s family if you have concerns. Again, trying to frame any conversation in curiosity and the child’s best interests, rather than accusation, helps increase the likelihood of learning what’s happening and agreeing on a way forward. 

Get clued up  

If you feel that you lack the understanding of the online apps, games or sites children are using or how you can help keep them safe online, then one of the most helpful things to do is to invest a little time learning more.

It can seem intimidating but you certainly wouldn't be alone in lacking digital skills and there are lots of resources designed to help people get to grips with caring for children in a digital age.

There are several good online sites dedicated to helping parents/carers learn more about digital life, including straightforward explanations of the main social media sites and the parental controls available for each of them from charity ParentZone ↗, which also has lots of other parent guides on common apps, games and topics ↗.

Charity InternetMatters has lots of straightforward guidance for keeping children of all ages safe online ↗ and practical tips on how you can play your role.

There are also free in-person skills events you can attend to get practical support and training on setting up and safely using smartphones and computers, such as those run by Barclay’s Digital Eagles programme ↗.

Again, being curious and speaking with your child can also be a way of them sharing their knowledge with you and teaching you how they use different technologies.

Contact our support team

If you have any concerns about online contact between a child and their family and friends then please contact our support team. We can provide a place to share your experiences with professionals who understand the everyday realities of guardianship and who can provide practical advice and guidance.

Also any guardian, child or family member can request a family-time contact review at any time. This is a free service where a support team professional will take a deeper look at how the child you care for currently spends time with their birth parents or family, both online and offline, We can help you put a plan in place that works for everyone, especially the child.