Changing relationships

How relationships may improve

There’s no doubt that life changes when you become a special guardian. You are legally responsible for your child and that may affect your relationships with the people around you, including family and friends.

Many friends and family will want to support you and those relationships might change for the better. From practical help to emotional support, most guardians have people in their lives who are right behind them from the very beginning.

If you live with a partner, you may work together as guardians. Sharing decisions and working out the best way to help your child can make your relationship stronger.

Potential challenges

But we know that guardians can have negative experiences. As things change for you, some people you are close to may struggle to adapt.

Here are some of the challenges you may face.

• The child’s parents may find your guardianship difficult to accept. This can be especially hard if you are a grandparent to the child you care for.

• Immediate family may find it hard to adjust to the new circumstances.

• Friends and your wider support network may not understand or accept how your priorities have changed.

Everyone reacts differently and it’s normal for you to have strong and mixed emotions. Becoming a guardian can be intense and unexpected, so whatever you are feeling is valid. The process alone can put strain on your relationships.

It’s important to remember and recognise just how big a change it is for you and everyone around you.

Nurture your network

Many people find their network shrinks when they become a guardian. It’s harder to go out socially and spend time with old friends. It can also be difficult to make new friends with parents of other children. Again, this is all completely normal.

We find that guardians may feel under pressure to exaggerate the strength of their support network during the application process. That can make it hard to ask for help when times get tough. But we know from experience that things can change.

We always recommend you try and find ways to be open and let people into your new world. That might mean talking to a friend about how you are feeling or asking family to give you more practical support.

People often want to help but don’t know where to start, so try and be clear and tell them what you need. In most cases, family and friends will listen and lend a hand.

Meet other guardians

As a special guardian, your network can also grow. There are other guardians going through the same experience who you can meet and speak to. We run guardian groups that you can attend in person or online. There’s also a WhatsApp group that guardians use to keep in touch between sessions.

The feedback from the guardian groups is typically very positive. People who come say how helpful it is to be around other special guardians. It’s a chance to share stories, advice and useful resources in a safe and comfortable environment.

Rebuilding relationships

It can be upsetting for everyone when the award of a guardianship order changes the relationship between family and friends.

Coping with losing connections and managing tension can prove extremely stressful, draining and isolating.

But it’s important to remember that relationships that may seem broken beyond repair can be rebuilt, especially if the people affected can get distance and perspective from the initial changes.

Our support team can support you through changes. We can also help the child you care for and their birth parents to process and cope with changing relationships.

As well as one-to-one support with our team, we also run local support groups for birth parents. It can help them understand and deal with their emotions, and to meet and learn from others.

We can also put you in touch with specialist relationship services to help manage conflicts and rebuild relationships.